Minerva - A Single Mamacita and Marriage & Family Therapist
MINERVA - A Single Mamacita and Marriage & Family Therapist
No matter what anyone says or how easy someone makes it look, being a Mamacita is hard, even with the help of a husband or partner. But doing it all on your own is awe-inspiring. My November Mamacita is doing just that and knocking it out of the park. Minerva is a Mamacita of three young boys and a Marriage and Family Therapist.
As we’ve managed to step into the month of giving thanks, it seems fitting to recognize and highlight the stories of women who are raising children alone. Currently, Minerva is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a baseball Mama, and overall sports fanatic. Minerva holds a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and a Master’s in Psychology. The past few years have been life-changing for Minerva as she has learned to navigate life as a single Mama, all while walking the painful journey of divorce. Working Mamacitas feels honored to share her inspirational story.
IN HER OWN WORDS - as narrated to Gisset
My eldest son was born not long after I had completed my Master’s Program. My ex-husband and I felt it was the perfect time to start a family since my education was now behind us. We had been together for 10 years when we had our first son. The adjustment to parenthood was quite difficult and took a fair amount of time to get used to. Somehow we worked up the courage to have more children and ended up with three under the age of five. Those early years came with so much sacrifice and were extremely tough but I did enjoy motherhood and kept busy. At that time, I tried to do everything for them on my own, and since I was also pursuing my license to become a Therapist this process took a lot longer than I aspired to.
My career as a Marriage and Family Therapist kept me busy, especially in the past few years because I worked two jobs and spent a lot of time on the road. Although this took so much time from my children, with the help of my family and friends, my boys' lives were thriving as well. As the boys grew older, our lives would only get busier. The three of them are involved in baseball and we all know, how much time and dedication are required from parents and kids. My marriage on the other hand seemed to have taken a turn. We worked on repairing our marriage for some time and tried to make it work, but eventually, we found ourselves making the painful decision to separate after being together for 20 years. I spent most of my adult life involved with the same person, had children, and built a life together, for it all to be disassembled in an instant.
The months that followed were daunting, I did not have the strength to get through my days. I felt like such a failure. Professionally, I was a Marriage and Family Therapist but somehow couldn’t make my marriage work. These thoughts weighed so heavily on my heart and made moving on so much harder. I had to take a leave of absence from my job, found a therapist who I could talk to, and took medication to help with my anxiety. What was most painful was having the kids witness their Mama hit rock bottom and help them get through the drastic change in our lives. I came to terms with my new reality after about six months and started to feel like myself after a year. We filed for divorce shortly after. Today, I feel at peace with my decision and from this experience, I learned to stand up for myself and always choose myself first. Navigating life takes a village and mine walked beside me through the darkness and helped pull me to light.
Going back to work after taking the necessary time off was rewarding. It enlightened my spirit and allowed me to connect deeper with my patients due to my own life experience. At the start of my career, my focus was mostly on treating children and helping them get through their traumas and behavior issues. Currently, I see patients of all ages, and lately, have found myself treating seniors who are almost at the end of their life. I help them come to peace with themselves, god and family. They learn to forgive and let go of the resentment they carry to spend their last days in a happy state. In my early years, it was hard to separate my personal life and work but have learned that even though it’s inevitable to not get attached to my patients, I do set boundaries to separate the two.
My future goal is to start my own practice and provide more resources for mental health. I will also strive to erase the stereotype of Latinos. Those of us who grew up in a Latino household understand that therapy was never an option because we were taught not to talk about our problems with others. I want to change that stigma by providing these families with the necessary support. Therapy is not just available for those who have troubling issues, it is for those who feel they need additional support at any stage in their lives.
For all the Mamacitas out there, remember to praise yourself daily. The more we praise and forgive ourselves, the more we can learn and grow. Have fun, don’t take everything so seriously, and ask for help. You are good enough.
If you are a Mamacita who finds yourself on the path to single motherhood, please allow yourself to feel all the feelings you are having. Allow yourself to be angry with yourself and the other person, don’t feel ashamed if you still feel love for them. You won’t be true to yourself if you block all the feelings you have. Find good support, don’t be shy to talk about what happened with others. You will realize you are not the only one going through it and will feel more empowered. Lastly, find a therapist who will help guide you through the process. You are not a failure and you will find the light.
As you can see Minerva is nothing short of a strong and fierce Mamacita. She is indeed showing us that life after divorce is beautiful and hopeful.
Her advice on keeping our mental health in check during this time is to work on keeping your human connection strong, avoid the news, and take advantage of all of the free resources your employers offer. Sometimes all it takes is one phone call.
Xoxo - G
