Mirna - Life, Loss and Unconditional Love

Unless you write your own vows, on your wedding day, you will promise your partner "to be faithful in good times or in bad, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part." We envision ourselves growing old with our partners, watching our children marry and have families of their own. But as we all know, in life, nothing is guaranteed. Our January Mamacita found herself living the ultimate heartache in December 2020 when she lost her husband of 21 years. Since then, she has had to learn to move on with life, be there for her children as she continues to grieve her husband's loss.  

As we said goodbye to another year full of uncertainty and continued loss, we highlight this story of a Mamacita who, like so many others, is learning to pick up the pieces after the loss of a family member. Mirna is a Mamacita of three and a Medical Assistant. Working Mamacitas thanks you, Mirna, for your courage and for allowing us to share your touching story.

IN HER OWN WORDS - as narrated to Gisset

My transition to motherhood was quite a roller coaster; my daughter was born a month early via an emergency c-section. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I felt shortness of breath. Even though my medical team told me it was normal, I always believed it was something more. It didn't feel normal to me, but I dealt with it and prayed everything would be okay. A month before my due date, my water broke, and I had my husband rush me to the hospital. I was admitted, and as we waited for answers from the doctors, it became hard to breathe. I became concerned and had my doctor paged. When the doctor examined me, he found that the baby was not getting any oxygen because my levels were plummeting. At that moment, I was taken in for an emergency c-section. Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, a large medical team started to prep me for delivery. My doctor worried because since my oxygen levels were so dangerously low, he wasn't sure if there would be a point in my delivery where my husband had to make the difficult decision to choose the life he wanted to save; mine or our daughter's. This was not an option for him, and he begged the doctors to save us both. 

I was hysterical and couldn't relax. The doctors could not proceed with the c-section because I was so anxious. They recommended I be put to sleep while the procedure was taking place. Even though I was so afraid of this, I agreed. Before I knew it, I was out, and when I woke, I was no longer pregnant. I was informed the delivery went well, and our baby girl was with Dad while I recovered. I had been transferred to the ICU because they discovered that I had a small heart valve. It's something I must have had since birth, but it never affected me until I became pregnant. This is why I always felt out of breath. After a few days, I was able to go home to start learning how to be a Mamacita to my baby girl. Not long after, I was again admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. All of this back and forth to the hospital made me feel depressed. I couldn't see my baby, and that was crushing my heart. I got better with time, and when I decided to have my second child, my medical team was prepared to make sure the same issues I had the first time didn't happen again.

Many years later, I started to experience terrible headaches. After having an MRI, they found an aneurysm in my brain the size of a baseball. After seven procedures and radiation, the doctors were able to shrink most of it, but it would be monitored yearly. I felt anxious because of the health issues I had dealt with up until that point, but with the grace of God and my family, I felt strong to keep moving forward. My husband was a big reason I could get through those difficult moments. He kept me strong and made me believe that things would be okay. Years later, the tables had turned, and now it was me who had to be there for my husband, hoping to help him feel strong and hopeful as he was fighting for his life. 

My husband started to develop health issues a few years ago. He suffered from gout and stomach problems that he ignored for far too long. He avoided medical treatment for as long as possible. Eventually, things started to catch up to him, and his health issues could no longer be ignored. As we began to dig deeper into his health, we discovered that his drinking had become a bigger problem than we imagined. Danny had always been a drinker; he was the life of the party and enjoyed having a good time. With time, I noticed changes in his drinking habits and found he was drinking a lot more than before. Whisky was his drink of choice. Eventually, it became vodka. Sometimes he would drink almost a whole bottle of vodka in one sitting. This became really concerning to myself and our children. Alcoholism ran in his family, we lost a few of his family members to the disease, and we didn't want him to follow in those footsteps. Everyone begged for him to get help, but I believe we were too late. One night, when our daughter was pleading with him to please stop, she told him she wanted him to live so he could walk her down the aisle at her wedding and meet his future grandchildren. His response broke us; he was so ill at that point that he told her he couldn't. I blamed myself for not seeing the signs sooner. 

Eventually, his parents, our kids, and I had an intervention with him and pleaded that he go to the hospital. By that point, his skin had turned yellow, and he had hiccups that wouldn't go away. He finally agreed and checked himself to the ER. When he was admitted, they ran blood tests, and he was sent for a chest X-Ray to find the root of the hiccups. His blood work found that his kidneys and liver were severely deteriorating, and they started to provide him with the necessary care that would make him better. He was in the hospital for a few weeks and eventually went home. Everything was good the first few days he was home.

We had gotten rid of all of the alcohol in the house, and my kids and I took turns taking care of him. At that time, I was still working but would give him all of my time when I wasn't. After about a week, he could no longer sleep and seemed anxious all day. We knew he wasn't doing well, but he ignored it and put off going back to the hospital. One night I needed to get to bed because I had to work the following day and all he wanted to do was watch television. I insisted that I needed to go to bed, and he continued to push that I stay with him. He even suggested we watch the Hallmark channel (which never happened), but I told him I had to work the next day and went to bed. I now regret not staying up to watch Hallmark with him because we checked him back into the hospital a few days later, and he was never released. My husband passed away on December 10, 2020, at the age of 43. His body was too badly deteriorated, and couldn’t continue fighting for his life. There was a moment in his final hours where he opened his eyes and looked at me and told me, "I can't." My children and I witnessed him take his last breath, and even though it was our most painful experience, I am thankful we were with him.

It's been a year since my husband passed, and I haven't been able to fully grieve his death. I have had some good days and some pretty bad ones. The kids and I still don't understand why this happened. Why couldn't we have more time with him, and why didn't we see the signs sooner? Sometimes I feel like I got the short end of the stick. My husband helped get me through my medical issues, and I feel so guilty that I couldn't help him get through his. There are days when I wonder what time Danny is getting home from work, and right after, I painfully remember that he is never coming back. But I know that our souls will meet again, and until that day comes, I will stay here with my kids, determined to be the best version of myself in his memory. For now, we will continue to celebrate his life and all the good he gave us while he lived. He will forever live in our hearts full of unconditional love.

For all the Mamacitas out there - don't take life for granted; life is too short. Take care of your health since it is your most valuable asset. And don't forget to hug your loved ones just a little bit tighter.

As you can see, Mirna is another fierce Mamacita. She is showing us that even when things don't make sense, life goes on, and it's up to us to live to our fullest potential. 

Xoxo - G

In Loving Memory of Danny Martinez (1977 - 2020). May he rest in eternal peace.